Four days

So today was day 4. I wish I could say it's been easy, but I have had some huge challenges. With my trich I also get really bad scalp sores, which make me want to pull even more. My main challenge is not pulling the hair for the site spots specifically. I have to share that prayer is the only thing that got me through it. I sat and I prayed a long prayer to the Lord to pull me through because there is no other way that I can overcome this. I was able to get to sleep with out ruining my streak and have been in consistent prayer to stay on the path. There will always be sores , but I don't want to be the woman that always pulls. I want to be able to feel the breeze on my scalp, to put my hair in a ponytail, to wear braids, things most women take for granted. I am absolutely determined to reach that point. I want to be able to deal with the sores WITHOUT destroying my hair or hurting myself further. I'm sure that with time I'll get them less and less. But I must say, something about this time feels different. It's just me and God this time and I know that with HIM I can not fail.

Be encouraged!

Let's try this again...

Okay so it's been about a year since I've blogged, due to some unforseen issues in my personal life and some serious disappointment in myself. But I'm not going to let that stop me, I can't. So I'm going to try this again. I have to do it for me. So here goes...
Over the past few months, I've pulled and pulled and pulled. In hindsight I can say stress was a factor, loneliness was a factor, and lack of drive was a major factor. Starting today, I'm trying this again. Except this time, I can't not fail. I can't allow myself to. I can't live my whole life like this. The first day without pulling is the hardest, especially if it's a day where you're home alone. But I would prefer to start off on a day like this instead of a busy one, because those are the easy days. I would hate to trick myself into thinking it would actually just be so easy. I'll take the challenge...

Need to Release

Hey I normally don't post twice in one day but I made a decision today to stop keeping people away from me because some people actually care and I haven't been fair to the people who have been here when they could. So the other day I went swimming and my wig came COMPLETELY off!!!  Never have I been so embarrassed in my life, but I laughed it off because I didn't want any one to see how much it bothered me. I haven't been myself really since that day. So the only person at the pool that was really close to me that day was my brother and he knew nothing about my trich or even what trich was. When we sat down and I explained it to him he was very understanding (I guess as understanding as you can expect him to be) and I really appreciated that, but I was still really uncomfortable. Today we just had a nice heart to heart about all kinds of stuff and I'm feeling a little better. Hopefully I'll get back to ME soon

It's been a while...

Okay so it's been a few months and I figured I'd give a little update on my life.
In the past 6 months I have started my career as a middle school teacher (stress and excitement!) lost my best friend (by his choice) got my friend back, and then lost him again, become distanced from pretty much everyone I know, and my trich has not improved. Not because of couldn't have, but more so because I ran out of energy to be strong by myself.
It's a lot easier to deal when you have someone to talk to, but with everything going on at once, it's kind of hard to share that kind of stuff. I hate for people to see me being vulnerable, or to know what my weaknesses are. Stuff like that always comes back to bite me in the ass smh. There aren't too many people to trust out there. The one person I can speak to is either always too busy or trying to preach about something she has no understanding of. So what do you do?
It's becoming harder and harder to be around people because they don't understand why I'm so unhappy, and I just end up feeling more alone when people are around. I'm gonna figure something out though because I refuse to be overcome by anything. Just don't know what to do yet. Since I'm off for the summer I'll be posting a lot more, nothing else to do.

I Caved :-(

<p>&lt;p&gt;So today was a pretty interesting day for me. I was at work for most of the day but I came home and hung out with my line sisters for a little while. Then we went to wal mart. The interesting thing happened when I got back home.&nbsp; After drinking some tea I came in my room and I actually caved. I only pulled out one strand, which is not actually horrible, but I can't exactly say I'm pull free either. I am so disappointed in myself, but at the same time, I refuse to allow that disappointment stop me from trying to beat this. I had enough control for it to only be one, but interestingly enough it wasn't the stand I had been thinking about before.but I'm so sleepy now I'm gonna go to bed to avoid any more pulling. Good night readers. Keep fighting, and if you fall off the wagon, jump right back on!!

Being Honest....

Hey readers! I'm so exited about being a week in without pulling! I won't say it was easy, but I will say that I'm extremely proud of myself. That little sore spot in my scalp is still on my mind a lot, but I'm resisting even though it's hard. I finally explained to my roommate who happens to be a good friend of mine what I'm going through. Its surprising that I never told her, but she has noticed on her own. She doesn't know how bad my trich is, but at least she knows about it. So I feel my support system growing bigger and bigger. Today I was busy for most of the day so I haven't had time to bother my scalp, but once I got home that strand was on my mind. I'm not gonna pull it. I'm gonna fight it. But it's my bed time now, I have to work tomorrow but I wanted to keep you all updated. Good night readers! Stay strong!!!

Hard Times

Hey readers! It's been a few days since I've blogged. It got really busy for me on Thursday. I got a call about a potential job offer and had to rush around to get some things done. But in the meantime, it's been a little bit of a struggle over here. I haven't pulled, but the urge has become increasingly hard to fight over the past few days. Especially today and yesterday. I took off the wig that I wear, just like I do every day, and found a little bump on the side of my head, with a tiny strand sticking from it. I've been thinking about pulling that strand since I felt it there. It's been on my mind but I am doing a pretty good job at leaving it alone. Today it was a scab. And I found another little sore spot. It's taking everything for me not to pull. But as much as I want to pull, I want to be normal more. I want so badly to be able to not worry about my wig flying away on a roller coaster or slipping off in the pool. So I'm using the strength that I know I have. I know that if I could go this many days, then one more should be a piece of cake. It's also helping to be more honest about my urges with the people who care about me. I know they just want to help. And I do need it. But people can only help if you 're honest and open about needing help. I'm learning that even though it may make me feel bad sometimes, my mom just wants to help me. That makes me feel good. I just can't stop thinking about that one tiny stand smh. (I also am thinking from observing that periods have no effect on urges, but I'll keep observing ).

I also noticed that I've been under more stress the past few days also, im not sure yet if that's the reason for the increased urges, but it's very possible given the timing. But I won't let stress or trich get to me. I'm a fighter, and I refuse to give in. 
Once again, thanks for reading. Stay strong you guys! Don't let trich win!!