I'm Fighting Back!

Day 1
I feel like I'm finally taking ownership and can beat this thing. I haven't felt so ugly in so long and I'm surprised it has taken me so long to have this breakthrough. It's hitting me harder than ever that the people around me don't really know me. Trich is a part of me and even if I hide it from others, I can't hide it from myself or God and I need to accept it and deal with it appropriately. I haven't felt comfortable enough with anyone around me to tell them about my battle. I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid of what they may say, or if I'm just running from myself. Wearing wigs allows me to forget for a little while what I really look like, and for a while I've been looking directly at myself and still not seeing what I really look like. Last night for some reason I saw myself and I looked so different to me. It bothered me so much. The good thing is I don't have to go through it alone. My mom has always been there for me, and last night I told my good friend David everything for the first time, and he is here for me as well. The most important thing is to have a strong system and friends you can trust. So starting today, I have a new game plan. After 13 years of pulling, I am trying once more to stop, but not by myself. David is going to be my trich buddy, meaning he's going to be my partner in stopping. Today I'm starting a month of mirror avoidance, meaning I can not look at my own hair until December 6th. I took some pictures last night for a comparison after a month, so I can see if it's getting better or worse. I am also starting the Kender Diet, which I have read may help with urges. So far, I feel empowered, and I actually feel like I can do it this time! I still feel pretty sad, but not like last night.